說話的力量 - The Power of Words

近日有朋友被公司迫走, 老闆嘅說話真係令人失望...語言嘅力量從來都不可睇少。

唔知大家有冇遇過一d人, 出親口講野都好尖銳, 攪到你直頭冇興趣同佢講野呢?  唔係話佢講嘅野全無道理, 而係, 講嘅時候究竟有冇諗下聽者在那一刻, 其實有乜感受呢? 說話有意思有內容當然好, 但無說話技巧, 又唔諗清楚當時環境情況係咪適合講呢種說話, 有可能只會令聽嘅人加倍傷心 (但仲以為自己好啱)。

如果你係聽者, 當你聽到以下說話, 唔知你有乜感受呢?  ...

1)  在一個舊同學嘅晚飯聚會中, 大約有12位朋友, 全部坐埋一張大圓枱, 一齊食中餐晚飯。大家都大半年/一年冇見, 大家都好開心講下自己野, 又問下對方近來點呀, 每人都傾得好開心的。註: 聯絡所有舊同學出席呢個gathering嘅人係本人。好喇, 吃飯到尾聲, 大家繼續傾下計, 突然間, 本人隔離的一位男仔 (叫佢做A君啦), 向著大圓枱對面的一位舊同學 (尊稱佢B君), 話佢肥左好多, 叫佢唔好攪到越來越肥得架, 叫人好心快d減下肥, 係咁發表偉論一輪!!  Shit, 一個男人向著另一個男人, 當住咁多人面前咁樣同人講野, 如果你係那個被人叫減肥的人, 請問你有乜感覺呢?  又請問如果你係我 (那個攪活動的人), 你又有乜感覺呢?  請問: 你覺得人地肥左, 可能真係冇咁健康, 但有冇需要向住咁多人面前講呢? 

2) 有一次, 本人在工作上無情情被一個賤客在電話裡鬧左一餐, 仲叫我以後唔好再打來!  聽完佢個電話, 我極之唔開心, 喊鬼左出來。之後我同上邊那位男子A講, 你估呢個人點回應呢?  A: "你個阿頭係你個friend, 佢又唔鬧人, 一齊成日咁懶, 工作又冇乜壓力....你做得出面嘅工少囉, 出邊人人都係咁架啦, 你見得少人啫....又唔受得人鬧.....你都做唔到我間公司那種環境啦, 人人都係咁, 你肯定受唔到氣, 幾日就唔做喇。"   #$@#$%$^$%^, 真係想鬧衰佢!!!  聽佢講野仲受氣過乜呀!!  你本來想搵個人傾訴一下, 點知不但半句安慰說話都冇, 仲鬧得勁過個客!  就算呢個人講嘅野係事實, 在呢種人地情緒咁低落嘅時刻, 竟然講d咁嘅說話??!! 你問一問想跳樓自殺嘅人, 如果一位談判專家咁對佢講野, 你估那個人會唔會即刻跳樓死左佢好過??!!!

**** 好彩我冇再有呢種人做bf, 甚至 friend...... 冇左一個咁嘅人在身邊, 皮質醇都低番晒, 冇咁易精神衰弱或者患上噪狂症....

一個人嘅開心、快樂、悲哀、失落, 實在同人嘅說話好有關係。給予別人多一點鼓舞嘅說話, 一齊探討問題原因同埋講下解決嘅方法很好, 比起教訓有意思得多呢。

*****

Ok, let me try to repeat what I have said above in English...

A good friend of mine was recently forced to leave her company.  The words that her boss said to her were really disappointing.  That reminds me once again the super power of words. 

We can never underestimate how powerful words are and the possible tremendous damaging effects that they can cause to the listeners, no matter how useful and meaningful you think those words could be to the listeners. 

I'm not sure if you have been so lucky as to have met people who often say words without carefully considering the situation and the effects on others. There are some people who always like to give comments so sharp and sensational that I don't want to talk to them at all.  I mean - their words could be full of meanings and good for the listeners, but these people lack or simply have no skills in speaking.  They don't realize (or probably they don't even care too much) about speaking skills and techniques.  Plus, they never consider the real situations.

If you were the listener, how would you feel about it when you were said the following things?  

1) In a gathering dinner at a Chinese restaurant organized by me, all the old classmates (about 12 of them altogether) sat together at a big round table.  Everyone was happily chatting with each other, updating their news and sharing things.  Afterall, we hadn't met for almost a year and everyone was excited to see each other again.  Towards the end of the gathering, the guy (let's called him "A") who was sitting next to me talked across to another guy (called him "B") who was sitting right opposite at the big table. Guess what A said to B in front of all the people at the big table?  A: "Wow B, you have got so fat now!  You seem to be getting fatter and fatter!  You really have to start losing weights quickly!" Shit!  What the hell is this A doing?  He must be mad.  And imagine how I would feel as well (as I was the organizer of this function)?

2) Once I was scolded on the phone by a client at work (for some very minor issues).  The guy on the phone told me never to phone him again. After the phone call, I was really depressed and I wept.  I told this story to this friend A (the same person as in the Number One issue above).  Guess what he said in response?  Excellent! He said, "Your supervisor is your friend and he nevers scolds at you.  You both are very lazy at work and you don't have much pressure from work!..... You haven't worked much in other companies and you don't know what's outside in this world...) bla bla bla.. and then continued, "Most people in this working world is like this.  You haven't met many people in this world and you can't take blames from others.... you won't be able to work in a company like mine - everyone is like this, you surely can't take any blame. I'm sure you would quit the job after working for a few days if you were working in my company.....".  Sorry excuse me but at the time when he said this to me, I really wanted to tell him to fuxk off!  When I was very depressed and I thought I wanted to share my sad feelings with someone but I was treated this way, what else could I say?  Not a single word of consolation but full of "teachings" and indifferent words.  Imagine a person was so upset and was trying to jump off a building to end his/her life, a negotiator came. Instead of trying to make the person give up the attempt of killing himself/herself, the negotiator kept saying how stupid this person was and so on.... I bet the person would rather jump off the building immediately because he/she had enough bullshit from this negotiator. 

**** How lucky that I no longer have such kinda person as a bf or even a friend...... My cortisol is back to a normal level and I'm free of any psychological stress and depression....

Seriously, the joy & happiness, and the sadness and depression of a person is closely related with the words he or she receives from others.  I think it's always much nicer to give others more encouraging words.  You may help analyse the case with your friends and what can be done better, but try avoid using harsh words because it might only make the situation even worse.